The Little Macho Girl

http://ncode.syosetu.com/n1542y/

By: MisakiNaoto@Mibuna

“Macho, won’t anyone buy a macho?”

Leading along several machos, a single young girl tossed out some dangerous words to the town residents passing by.
The macho seller.
On that sudden statement of human trafficking, the townsfolks’ eyes opened wide as they gazed at the girl.

“Macho, does anyone need a lively macho? You can boil and bake them, and if it really comes down to it, they can even serve as bodyguards. Does anyone need such a wonderful macho?”

Minding not the surprised eyes of the people, the small girl desperately continued spinning words to sell the oily, gleaming machos.
So poor she had nothing to cover her feet, she drew her reddening soles together as she tried her very best to sell her machos.
In that cold, cold town, the machos that let off a light steam from their bodies. Even as they imparted all with a somewhat sweltering feeling, the young girl did her best to make an appeal to how good these machos were.

“You can even crush them into medicine, does anyone want a macho?”

At the little girl’s words, a single man raised a small scream.
When those were humans, no matter you looked at it, the girl spoke of grinding them. He imagined the sight much too terrifying and had let out a scream before he had realized it.
That man’s small fear dragged the people confused over this incomprehensible situation back to reality, and they took the action they thought best.

Raising various screams, the townsfolk ran off to the houses and inns where they lived.
In but a moment’s time, that stone-paved road had become devoid of all souls besides the young girl and a large number of machos.
A questioning look crossed the young girl’s pleading face as she gave her head a slight tilt.

“How strange… when they’re such wonderfully raised machos, why did everyone run away?”

The girl couldn’t hold back her wonder. When they were such lovely, lovable machos, she thought everyone would buy them up with delight, but let alone make a purchase, everyone had run away.
There, the girl hit her hands together, her face lightening up.

“That’s right! If I show off the goodness of these machos, I’m sure the people in town will understand!”

The young girl thought this.
Machos were rare in this town, and everyone was scared because they didn’t know what they were. In that case, if she could make them understand that machos were good things, then surely they’d buy them! So she thought.
While that was right, in a sense, that it might seem slightly off is surely your imagination.
But not noticing such a thing, the young girl fluttered her skirt, turning her bodies towards the machos and said this.

“Now, everyone together!”

As the young girl gave a smile, the machos who had done nothing but wait in silence delightfully started to motion.

“Hmmph.”
“Hrnnnng.”

The brilliant plan she thought of. That was posing.
Taking whatever pose they could think of, the machos seemed truly delighted to show off their bodies, but it didn’t seem anyone was coming out.
The girl tossed some more words to the machos.

“More, more! Keep that sweat flowing!”

To teach the townsfolk the wonder of machos, without any room for second thought, she had the machos act more intensely, more heatedly.
“Now how about that!!”

The girl looked at the buildings on both sides of the street, waiting for the townsfolk who fled to come back out.
But no one came.
The young girl bit her lip, she hung her head down.

“This can’t be… If this goes on, I won’t be able to go home…”

The girl had promised her mother she would properly sell all the machos; tears formed in the corners of her eyes as her way grew darker.
If that was how it was going to be, she should have listened to her mother when she said she would accompany her out if she waited a bit. The girl was filled with regret.
Aah, I’m sure the people are eating warm meals right around now. As she thought that, the girl wanted to go home as soon as possible, but if she did, her mother would get angry at her. Even so…
She had resolved herself to sell them, so sell them she would. She decided to make for a certain place.

“If I go there… that’s right, I’m sure they’ll buy them over there.”

At the end of her eyes, that place… the castle where the noble who governed the land lived.
A noble would have a lot of money, and surely he would buy them from her. Yes, what a brilliant idea. Trying to sell such cute machos to the poor, it was a mistake to begin with. She thought as she tread over the steps to the castle.

 

Once the girl reached the palace, the soldier watching the gate called out to her at once.

“Little girl, what’s wrong? On such a cold day, you have nothing on your feet… did you get separated from your mother?”

Armor over his body, a spear a little taller than he was in his hand, he made a perplexed, but be that as it may, a worried face.
To the man, the young girl shook her head.
To the soldier who felt his throat growing stiff, the young girl decided to make her plea.

“Please, a macho, won’t you buy a macho?”
“Ma… cho… macho, by macho, do you mean those machos? The ones behind you?”

The man asked as he pointed to the sweltering somethings raising hot steam behind her. Even when it was winter, those bizarre muscular men stood, nothing but a single pair of briefs per head. But the problem to the man wasn’t something like that. While it plagued his mind, as a man faithful to his duties, he purposely ignored it.

“… Did someone put you up to it?”

The gatekeeper sent a gentle smile as he sought an explanation from the girl.

“No, I came to sell them on my own.”
“… Do you know that the buying and selling of slaves is forbidden in this territory?”

The man’s gentle expression suddenly changed.
Expressionless. That was the word to describe his face.
Even if he was dealing with a child, there were some rules that weren’t meant to be broken. Punishing people for them was one of the roles of the soldiers, and the girl was about to break one of those rules.

“Yes, I know. But what about it?”

She tilted her head as she asked the man.
Hearing those words, the soldier’s expression changed once more.
His eyebrows tilted, strongly gripping the spear in his hand, he asked again with a stronger tone.

“Then why are you trying to sell slaves! Under this frigid sky, don’t you feel sorry for them, leading them around in nothing but a pair of briefs!? As a soldier who protects this territory, I am unable to overlook it! For some reason, they don’t look cold at all, or rather, they look simply sweltering, but regardless, I can’t overlook it!”

Seeing the man angry from the depths of his heart, the girl understood at once.
But that’s a misunderstanding. The girl understood, and she gave him the truth as easy to understand as can be. By her standards, that was.

“You’re wrong! These are not slaves, they are machos!”
“They’re slaves! If you want to be more precise, they’re macho slaves!”
“You’re wrong! They’re not macho slaves, they’re just normal machos!”
“No, I mean, aren’t they slaves?”
“They’re machos!”

Slaves. No, no, machos. This rather pointless bickering went on for some time, until finally, the soldier was the one beaten down by her persistence.

“Understood. Those are machos. Yeah, they’re machos. But little girl, in this territory, selling humans is prohibited. You understand that, don’t you?”

The haggard face of the man dyed itself in a pleasant shade to persuade the young girl.

“Humans…? No, they’re not humans, they’re machos.”
“I can’t deal with this anymore.”

The gatekeeper’s eyes were already teary.
This girl was too stubborn for him to deal with. While he thought so, that didn’t mean he could keep silent on this case of human trafficking. In this instance, shoving her into a warm cell would be best for everyone’s sake.
But according to the girl before his eyes, these machos didn’t have human rights. Just how terrifying of a thought. Simply because they built muscle, she denied them their humanity… a cold greater than winter rushed down the man’s back.

“Understood. So these are inhuman machos.”
“No, they’re machos, but they’re vegetation.”

On the girl’s words, the man tilted his head.
Vegetation? By vegetation, do you mean like grass and trees? The man had neither seen nor heard of any vegetation that could stand and walk on its own feet.

“No, there’s no way such lively plant-life could exist.”
“No, no, they’re vegetation. Look.”

Saying that, the girl gently pulled down one of the machos’ briefs.
Sure enough, beneath was the very proof they were the vegetation she claimed them to be.
Awfully unsuited to its brawny body, a white and lovely flower bloomed.

“You mean they really are plants… no, but still, that’s undoubtedly a flower. And that’s sprouting right up from the macho’s body, meaning…”

As the man gazed intently at the flower growing from the macho’s nether regions, the macho’s face tinted red. It seemed embarrassed. On that scene much too repulsive, the man swiftly took distance from that mystery muscular plant-life and tossed a question to the girl.

“Could it be the macho part is the stem?”
“Yes, it’s the stem. These children grew a bit too much and became machos, so we couldn’t keep them around the house anymore. That’s why I came to sell them.”
“Haha, certainly, with a few tens of machos crowding a house, you might not feel the cold, but it’ll definitely feel cramped… fine, got it. I’ll inform the lord. Could you stay here and wait?”
“Yes, thank you most kindly.”

After that, carrying along warm soup and a pair of shoes, the soldier returned with a smile and good news.
The young girl was finally able to sell her machos.

 

When the war came, the machos she sold had no restraint in unveiling their bodies, becoming the lead act in the battle to protect the territory.
Their efforts named them the ‘Moving Fortress’, and even within enemy structures, those machos would surround allies, and form a castle of their own with their muscular bodies. When the machos stood in file, they were feared as the, ‘Encroaching Wall of Meat’, displaying all-purpose prowess for attack and defense.

And fighting wasn’t the only thing the machos were good for. When injured soldiers were fed the sweat those machos shed… commonly called their meaty juices… they would suddenly stop feeling the pain and all would rejoice.
Macho. Proper name: Mandragora, but in the end, that name was never spread far. They were simply called machos, and they held pride in the fact they were machos.

A country assembled of those that loved muscle, this is a tale set five years prior to the founding of the Great Macho Empire. And only ten years before the world was enveloped in machos…

About Yoraikun

A college student who really should be doing something more productive with his time. Also, he can read a bit of Japanese.
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61 Responses to The Little Macho Girl

  1. Yoraikun says:

    Because why not.

    Liked by 25 people

  2. GM_Rusaku says:

        ∧,,∧ 
       / ^ω^ヽ THANKS!
     _ノ ヽ ノ \_ NEPU!!!
    `/ `/ ⌒Y⌒ Y ヽ
    (  (三ヽ人  /  |
    | ノ⌒\  ̄ ̄ヽ  ノ
    ヽ___>、___/
       |( 王 ノ〈
       /ミ`ー―彡ヽ
      / ヽ_/  |
      |  /   ノ

    Liked by 26 people

  3. ryllonceras says:

    lol the very first line totally got me

    Liked by 1 person

  4. zekkendo says:

    I am so very confused . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Somniens says:

    Wtf? XDDD

    Glad you’re alive Yoraikun.

    This is a funny, quirky amusing story.

    🙂 Thanks for translating (or writing?)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. zero says:

    so, macho is vegetables ?

    Like

  7. Rasta says:

    Thank you for the chapter! I was honestly terrified about what she was suggesting for a second… I mean, that was absolutely terrifying. I mean, didn’t we all think she was talking about human beings? But then it turned out to be vegetation… But are they not sentient?!

    Like

  8. Nordisk says:

    So is this yorai’s low key way in coming out of the closet?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Djajapena says:

    Nani the f*ck I just read…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. haniba says:

    ……

    i searched ‘macho’ in google and found that it was dick’s power up medicine in my country

    what the fuck is this

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Dusty says:

    …the ending. It all makes sense!

    Like

  12. galene says:

    Ah, Mh. Hm.

    That was, something?

    Like

  13. 1_chan says:

    LOL. YESS! Bara plants…why didn’t I think of such a wondrous existence sooner?? Thanks for this (translation or did you write this?) xD ! This was quite the read lolol~

    Like

  14. Boartank says:

    Im selling Eye Bleach! Eye Bleach!

    Bleach so strong, it could wipe, not only your vision, your memory, too!

    Liked by 4 people

  15. Reaper Phoenix says:

    Thanks… urp… on second thought… NOOOOO!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. chrno89 says:

    Er………….

    Like

  17. noooo says:

    this + banner with manwomen = scary

    Like

  18. Ryuutobi says:

    Le Me

    *read the title*
    (It must be a chapter about Lena)
    *read the content*
    (……………..)
    (WTF DID I READ JUST NOW?!)

    Like

  19. Fueee says:

    Matches and machos lol

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Marimochan says:

    I had enough internet for today haha.
    Thanks yorai..

    Like

  21. This gets weirder every paragraph…

    Like

  22. Val says:

    What the heck did I read just now xD

    Like

  23. Ben Lau says:

    I wonder… will the author write other story like 7th Macho … Beaty and the Macho?

    Liked by 1 person

  24. RedKaiser says:

    W-what!!

    Like

  25. chaosezel says:

    Chappy oo ari… Huh?!

    The heck with this story?!?! I’m terrified at the first few paragraphs, but all of it make sense in the end. But that macho-macho world, let me escape from it.

    Because of that, akumu to owarai chappy oo arigatai!

    Like

  26. CatBag says:

    This novel is too terrifying. Just what went through the author’s mind to write such monstrosity!

    Like

  27. Bloom-san says:

    This is nice. The author had a joke and delivered well.
    I wouldn’t mind having one if there’s a hole.

    Like

  28. bobolander says:

    Nice story xD

    Like

  29. Syash says:

    Thank you for the machos~

    Like

  30. Awe says:

    Thank you so Machos

    Like

  31. pipo says:

    The girl should be shouting “Mandrakes, won’t anyone buy a Mandrake?”

    Like

  32. WorshipperA says:

    …After reading this, I had the image of a buff, macho man holding his face and blushing like a pure maiden. Or the pure white flower on his nether regions…

    Mandragoras are deadly in more than one way, it seems…

    *spaces out and escapes to never-never land*

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Rawr says:

    Lol wat?

    Hahaha. Damn mandrakes.

    Like

  34. Asbolus says:

    AHAHAHAHA OMG FED THEIR SWEAT JUICES

    Like

  35. Newface says:

    The heck did I just read

    Like

  36. riddlemedoo says:

    Wow, I thought it was going to end horribly there, like the original little match girl story. What a story to come out of a few swapped letters.

    Like

  37. Termt says:

    Hahaha, this was fantastically ridiculous. I doubt I’ll ever read a better rendition of the little matchstick girl.

    Like

  38. iceking950 says:

    A very interesting read indeed.
    Reminds me of the traumatizing stories children of the past read like ‘Humpty Dumpty’ and ‘the witch (?) who swallowed a spider’…
    Well, this is 10 times more interesting so i will remember this and perhaps… tell some children of this tale… excluding the word meaty from the meaty juice part.

    It would be fun hehehe
    “And the soldiers collected the sweats from the machos and drank them, helping them to heal!”
    Kids:”Ewww!! Lol”
    “Yeah i know lol”

    Hahaha…
    I’m serious btw :l
    this is better IMO than the matchstick selling girl story =v= (to tell a kid at least)
    Thanks for the story!

    Like

  39. Pingback: The Little Macho Girl[Bahasa Indonesia] – Novel-Sensei Translation

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