http://ncode.syosetu.com/n1542y/
By: MisakiNaoto@Mibuna
“Macho, won’t anyone buy a macho?”
Leading along several machos, a single young girl tossed out some dangerous words to the town residents passing by.
The macho seller.
On that sudden statement of human trafficking, the townsfolks’ eyes opened wide as they gazed at the girl.
“Macho, does anyone need a lively macho? You can boil and bake them, and if it really comes down to it, they can even serve as bodyguards. Does anyone need such a wonderful macho?”
Minding not the surprised eyes of the people, the small girl desperately continued spinning words to sell the oily, gleaming machos.
So poor she had nothing to cover her feet, she drew her reddening soles together as she tried her very best to sell her machos.
In that cold, cold town, the machos that let off a light steam from their bodies. Even as they imparted all with a somewhat sweltering feeling, the young girl did her best to make an appeal to how good these machos were.
“You can even crush them into medicine, does anyone want a macho?”
At the little girl’s words, a single man raised a small scream.
When those were humans, no matter you looked at it, the girl spoke of grinding them. He imagined the sight much too terrifying and had let out a scream before he had realized it.
That man’s small fear dragged the people confused over this incomprehensible situation back to reality, and they took the action they thought best.
Raising various screams, the townsfolk ran off to the houses and inns where they lived.
In but a moment’s time, that stone-paved road had become devoid of all souls besides the young girl and a large number of machos.
A questioning look crossed the young girl’s pleading face as she gave her head a slight tilt.
“How strange… when they’re such wonderfully raised machos, why did everyone run away?”
The girl couldn’t hold back her wonder. When they were such lovely, lovable machos, she thought everyone would buy them up with delight, but let alone make a purchase, everyone had run away.
There, the girl hit her hands together, her face lightening up.
“That’s right! If I show off the goodness of these machos, I’m sure the people in town will understand!”
The young girl thought this.
Machos were rare in this town, and everyone was scared because they didn’t know what they were. In that case, if she could make them understand that machos were good things, then surely they’d buy them! So she thought.
While that was right, in a sense, that it might seem slightly off is surely your imagination.
But not noticing such a thing, the young girl fluttered her skirt, turning her bodies towards the machos and said this.
“Now, everyone together!”
As the young girl gave a smile, the machos who had done nothing but wait in silence delightfully started to motion.
“Hmmph.”
“Hrnnnng.”
The brilliant plan she thought of. That was posing.
Taking whatever pose they could think of, the machos seemed truly delighted to show off their bodies, but it didn’t seem anyone was coming out.
The girl tossed some more words to the machos.
“More, more! Keep that sweat flowing!”
To teach the townsfolk the wonder of machos, without any room for second thought, she had the machos act more intensely, more heatedly.
“Now how about that!!”
The girl looked at the buildings on both sides of the street, waiting for the townsfolk who fled to come back out.
But no one came.
The young girl bit her lip, she hung her head down.
“This can’t be… If this goes on, I won’t be able to go home…”
The girl had promised her mother she would properly sell all the machos; tears formed in the corners of her eyes as her way grew darker.
If that was how it was going to be, she should have listened to her mother when she said she would accompany her out if she waited a bit. The girl was filled with regret.
Aah, I’m sure the people are eating warm meals right around now. As she thought that, the girl wanted to go home as soon as possible, but if she did, her mother would get angry at her. Even so…
She had resolved herself to sell them, so sell them she would. She decided to make for a certain place.
“If I go there… that’s right, I’m sure they’ll buy them over there.”
At the end of her eyes, that place… the castle where the noble who governed the land lived.
A noble would have a lot of money, and surely he would buy them from her. Yes, what a brilliant idea. Trying to sell such cute machos to the poor, it was a mistake to begin with. She thought as she tread over the steps to the castle.
Once the girl reached the palace, the soldier watching the gate called out to her at once.
“Little girl, what’s wrong? On such a cold day, you have nothing on your feet… did you get separated from your mother?”
Armor over his body, a spear a little taller than he was in his hand, he made a perplexed, but be that as it may, a worried face.
To the man, the young girl shook her head.
To the soldier who felt his throat growing stiff, the young girl decided to make her plea.
“Please, a macho, won’t you buy a macho?”
“Ma… cho… macho, by macho, do you mean those machos? The ones behind you?”
The man asked as he pointed to the sweltering somethings raising hot steam behind her. Even when it was winter, those bizarre muscular men stood, nothing but a single pair of briefs per head. But the problem to the man wasn’t something like that. While it plagued his mind, as a man faithful to his duties, he purposely ignored it.
“… Did someone put you up to it?”
The gatekeeper sent a gentle smile as he sought an explanation from the girl.
“No, I came to sell them on my own.”
“… Do you know that the buying and selling of slaves is forbidden in this territory?”
The man’s gentle expression suddenly changed.
Expressionless. That was the word to describe his face.
Even if he was dealing with a child, there were some rules that weren’t meant to be broken. Punishing people for them was one of the roles of the soldiers, and the girl was about to break one of those rules.
“Yes, I know. But what about it?”
She tilted her head as she asked the man.
Hearing those words, the soldier’s expression changed once more.
His eyebrows tilted, strongly gripping the spear in his hand, he asked again with a stronger tone.
“Then why are you trying to sell slaves! Under this frigid sky, don’t you feel sorry for them, leading them around in nothing but a pair of briefs!? As a soldier who protects this territory, I am unable to overlook it! For some reason, they don’t look cold at all, or rather, they look simply sweltering, but regardless, I can’t overlook it!”
Seeing the man angry from the depths of his heart, the girl understood at once.
But that’s a misunderstanding. The girl understood, and she gave him the truth as easy to understand as can be. By her standards, that was.
“You’re wrong! These are not slaves, they are machos!”
“They’re slaves! If you want to be more precise, they’re macho slaves!”
“You’re wrong! They’re not macho slaves, they’re just normal machos!”
“No, I mean, aren’t they slaves?”
“They’re machos!”
Slaves. No, no, machos. This rather pointless bickering went on for some time, until finally, the soldier was the one beaten down by her persistence.
“Understood. Those are machos. Yeah, they’re machos. But little girl, in this territory, selling humans is prohibited. You understand that, don’t you?”
The haggard face of the man dyed itself in a pleasant shade to persuade the young girl.
“Humans…? No, they’re not humans, they’re machos.”
“I can’t deal with this anymore.”
The gatekeeper’s eyes were already teary.
This girl was too stubborn for him to deal with. While he thought so, that didn’t mean he could keep silent on this case of human trafficking. In this instance, shoving her into a warm cell would be best for everyone’s sake.
But according to the girl before his eyes, these machos didn’t have human rights. Just how terrifying of a thought. Simply because they built muscle, she denied them their humanity… a cold greater than winter rushed down the man’s back.
“Understood. So these are inhuman machos.”
“No, they’re machos, but they’re vegetation.”
On the girl’s words, the man tilted his head.
Vegetation? By vegetation, do you mean like grass and trees? The man had neither seen nor heard of any vegetation that could stand and walk on its own feet.
“No, there’s no way such lively plant-life could exist.”
“No, no, they’re vegetation. Look.”
Saying that, the girl gently pulled down one of the machos’ briefs.
Sure enough, beneath was the very proof they were the vegetation she claimed them to be.
Awfully unsuited to its brawny body, a white and lovely flower bloomed.
“You mean they really are plants… no, but still, that’s undoubtedly a flower. And that’s sprouting right up from the macho’s body, meaning…”
As the man gazed intently at the flower growing from the macho’s nether regions, the macho’s face tinted red. It seemed embarrassed. On that scene much too repulsive, the man swiftly took distance from that mystery muscular plant-life and tossed a question to the girl.
“Could it be the macho part is the stem?”
“Yes, it’s the stem. These children grew a bit too much and became machos, so we couldn’t keep them around the house anymore. That’s why I came to sell them.”
“Haha, certainly, with a few tens of machos crowding a house, you might not feel the cold, but it’ll definitely feel cramped… fine, got it. I’ll inform the lord. Could you stay here and wait?”
“Yes, thank you most kindly.”
After that, carrying along warm soup and a pair of shoes, the soldier returned with a smile and good news.
The young girl was finally able to sell her machos.
When the war came, the machos she sold had no restraint in unveiling their bodies, becoming the lead act in the battle to protect the territory.
Their efforts named them the ‘Moving Fortress’, and even within enemy structures, those machos would surround allies, and form a castle of their own with their muscular bodies. When the machos stood in file, they were feared as the, ‘Encroaching Wall of Meat’, displaying all-purpose prowess for attack and defense.
And fighting wasn’t the only thing the machos were good for. When injured soldiers were fed the sweat those machos shed… commonly called their meaty juices… they would suddenly stop feeling the pain and all would rejoice.
Macho. Proper name: Mandragora, but in the end, that name was never spread far. They were simply called machos, and they held pride in the fact they were machos.
A country assembled of those that loved muscle, this is a tale set five years prior to the founding of the Great Macho Empire. And only ten years before the world was enveloped in machos…
Because why not.
LikeLiked by 35 people
Wtf? And then this comment got me. And I still wtf?
LikeLiked by 7 people
Well this answered the question that was spinning in my mind while reading this.
“Why do I always find the strangest short stories, on Yorai’s site?”
LikeLiked by 9 people
For the sake of my sanity, I’m going to pretend I didn’t read this. 😵
LikeLiked by 4 people
Forsake your sanity Dark Jackel. Let the macho into your heart and/or stomach.
LikeLiked by 2 people
[shudders fearfully] 😨
LikeLiked by 2 people
If you mind it, you lose. Won’t you buy a macho?
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kept reading, the story getting more and more strange until the end and I thought “The hell dude?” and then your comment. Seriously, laughed as hell.
LikeLiked by 3 people
∧,,∧
/ ^ω^ヽ THANKS!
_ノ ヽ ノ \_ NEPU!!!
`/ `/ ⌒Y⌒ Y ヽ
( (三ヽ人 / |
| ノ⌒\  ̄ ̄ヽ ノ
ヽ___>、___/
|( 王 ノ〈
/ミ`ー―彡ヽ
/ ヽ_/ |
| / ノ
LikeLiked by 38 people
And this comment is so damn perfect
LikeLiked by 6 people
Nepu + Macho = Nacho
LikeLiked by 3 people
Miss little macho girl, I wanna buy macho nepu, how much is it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
That will be one innocent soul please. ( *^艸^)
LikeLiked by 3 people
Sorry all innocent souls are on back order. Factory will not return calls either.
LikeLiked by 3 people
lol the very first line totally got me
LikeLiked by 3 people
I am so very confused . . .
LikeLiked by 4 people
A good way to fix that is to stop thinking. Just let it happen and enjoy the ride
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wtf? XDDD
Glad you’re alive Yoraikun.
This is a funny, quirky amusing story.
:) Thanks for translating (or writing?)
LikeLiked by 1 person
so, macho is vegetables ?
LikeLike
Tuber technically.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the chapter! I was honestly terrified about what she was suggesting for a second… I mean, that was absolutely terrifying. I mean, didn’t we all think she was talking about human beings? But then it turned out to be vegetation… But are they not sentient?!
LikeLike
Apparently they are slated to (second-to-last-line) in 5 years, so they surely must have sentience…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m still wondering about the frying and boiling part.
LikeLike
So is this yorai’s low key way in coming out of the closet?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Nani the f*ck I just read…
LikeLiked by 2 people
……
i searched ‘macho’ in google and found that it was dick’s power up medicine in my country
what the fuck is this
LikeLiked by 4 people
In spanish it would be something like “manly man”
LikeLike
Comes from the word Machismo
LikeLike
…the ending. It all makes sense!
LikeLike
Ah, Mh. Hm.
That was, something?
LikeLike
LOL. YESS! Bara plants…why didn’t I think of such a wondrous existence sooner?? Thanks for this (translation or did you write this?) xD ! This was quite the read lolol~
LikeLike
Im selling Eye Bleach! Eye Bleach!
Bleach so strong, it could wipe, not only your vision, your memory, too!
LikeLiked by 8 people
Gimme one too!
LikeLike
I think you mean mind bleach, eye bleach only works on eyes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks… urp… on second thought… NOOOOO!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Er………….
LikeLike
this + banner with manwomen = scary
LikeLike
Le Me
*read the title*
(It must be a chapter about Lena)
*read the content*
(……………..)
(WTF DID I READ JUST NOW?!)
LikeLike
Matches and machos lol
LikeLiked by 2 people
The pun in the title.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had enough internet for today haha.
Thanks yorai..
LikeLike
This gets weirder every paragraph…
LikeLike
What the heck did I read just now xD
LikeLike
I wonder… will the author write other story like 7th Macho … Beaty and the Macho?
LikeLiked by 2 people
W-what!!
LikeLike
Chappy oo ari… Huh?!
The heck with this story?!?! I’m terrified at the first few paragraphs, but all of it make sense in the end. But that macho-macho world, let me escape from it.
Because of that, akumu to owarai chappy oo arigatai!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This novel is too terrifying. Just what went through the author’s mind to write such monstrosity!
LikeLike
just…. WOW!!
LikeLike
This is nice. The author had a joke and delivered well.
I wouldn’t mind having one if there’s a hole.
LikeLike
Nice story xD
LikeLike
Thank you for the machos~
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so Machos
LikeLiked by 1 person
The girl should be shouting “Mandrakes, won’t anyone buy a Mandrake?”
LikeLike
…After reading this, I had the image of a buff, macho man holding his face and blushing like a pure maiden. Or the pure white flower on his nether regions…
Mandragoras are deadly in more than one way, it seems…
*spaces out and escapes to never-never land*
LikeLiked by 4 people
Lol wat?
Hahaha. Damn mandrakes.
LikeLike
AHAHAHAHA OMG FED THEIR SWEAT JUICES
LikeLike
The heck did I just read
LikeLike
Wow, I thought it was going to end horribly there, like the original little match girl story. What a story to come out of a few swapped letters.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha, this was fantastically ridiculous. I doubt I’ll ever read a better rendition of the little matchstick girl.
LikeLike
A very interesting read indeed.
Reminds me of the traumatizing stories children of the past read like ‘Humpty Dumpty’ and ‘the witch (?) who swallowed a spider’…
Well, this is 10 times more interesting so i will remember this and perhaps… tell some children of this tale… excluding the word meaty from the meaty juice part.
It would be fun hehehe
“And the soldiers collected the sweats from the machos and drank them, helping them to heal!”
Kids:”Ewww!! Lol”
“Yeah i know lol”
Hahaha…
I’m serious btw :l
this is better IMO than the matchstick selling girl story =v= (to tell a kid at least)
Thanks for the story!
LikeLike
Pingback: The Little Macho Girl[Bahasa Indonesia] – Novel-Sensei Translation
So macho = overgrown Mandrake. Well we all know Mandrake takes human shape and this takes it a step further turning them into sweaty macho man. TBH, you would be able to conquer the world if they were able to use those macho skillfully (like making them give creepy laugh at night to make the opponent scared to death, turning all those manly soldier to girl in boy body…).
LikeLiked by 2 people
MOM! I’m on the wrong side of the internet aggaaaiinn!
ヽ( ̄д ̄;)ノ=3=3=3
LikeLiked by 2 people
…this is fucked up.
I want more, I want a short series instead of just an oneshot short story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Machos! Machos for sale!
Thanks for the translation, this was wonderfully weird.
LikeLike
This is what happen, when history replace mandragora with macho.
LikeLiked by 1 person
At first I couldn’t believe they were really just machos XD
LikeLike
This is the funniest oneshot I’ve ever read. Thanks for the chapter!
LikeLike